margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Oh god it's open bar.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize