Everything about him screamed your future.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
