Your dad touched me again.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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