You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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