My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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