return my video game
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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