Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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