also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Randomize
