Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
