I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wish I only lived at night.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
we're so committed to being not committed
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
