The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
