I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
