he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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