that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
