i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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