Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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