I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
