Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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