Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
