i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
