So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
