I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
