i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize