the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
