I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm always down for nudity.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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