3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
