who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
