Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
