i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
