I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
