I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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