My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
