what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
