Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Is it because I queefed?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
