he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
