Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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