i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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