It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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