Define "chronic" masturbator.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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