woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
