I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
