dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
