You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
