And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
