I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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