You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
