Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
