Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
