My friends, they love my intelligence
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
