Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
