He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
