i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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