I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The convent might be a nice break from real life
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
