The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
