I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
