I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
