I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
