Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
