i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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