a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
