You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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