sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
