Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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