Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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