Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
