maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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