I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize