I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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