It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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