My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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