yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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