I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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