every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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