Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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