i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You pole danced in your parka.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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