I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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