all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
