My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Can you repeat that, but with context?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
