i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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