Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
